This is one more of a eternally unanswered questions to which I attribute the title of this blog. I have read at many places and heard from many people, that we should not hold on to insult / bad things done by others to us. We should just move on. Life is short and we have to do things that we planned in our life and not get carried away to set something wrong done by others to right. Also it hurts you the most and all that. But I can't really digest this. Should I really let go ? and what does it mean to let go ?
Some good reasons to do so which I can recall -
1. While reading the book "Two states" by Chetan bhagat I came across a paragraph where he had been to aurobindo ashram in Pondicherry and met a spiritual master there. He too had held on to something which he was just unable to give up .This created a strife inside him. The master explained, you forgive the person who has been bad to you. Chetan asked forgive ? why , he had been so unfair to me then, and even today it is me who should forgive? The master said - " You don't forgive people for their good you forgive them for your own good.". The blockage of the grudge will get removed and life will flow like a unobstructed river." Yes , the words are remarkable, it is proved as I remember that incident in the book to this date. It is your happiness which gets blocked by holding on, and you do care about it.
2. Famous cardiac surgeon Dr Devi Shetty says let go of things because if you don't it's your heart which has to bear the burden.
3. Celebrity nutritionist and fitness trainer Rujuta Divekar in her book "Women and the weight loss tamasha" says not letting go is a major reason behind digestive disorders.
4. I had also read a article here which said your gut has a brain. we often say it's my gut feeling. There is evidence that indeed our gut (intestine) has plenty of nerve cells. So our brain is linked to our digestive system if we stress ourselves mentally physical ailments follow.
So not letting go is indeed costly.
No we come to the other part of the story "Not letting go". Why do I never let go ?
I have a very strong sense of just and unjust.
I cannot tolerate injustice . It just sends me in to hyper mode. If it's done to me I like to set it right taking whatever steps are possible. I can take losses, any other compromise is acceptable, but no compromise on injustice. Some people look at me in disbelief as the losses I talk about here are just not acceptable to most people, and they think impractical to trade those things for justice. But maybe this is where I think from my heart and not brain.
Just like myself, I cannot see injustice being done to someone else (you would say this is too much)
I cannot stand bullies. At many instances where I have come across genuine bullies, I have confronted with them sometimes even bullied them if they refuse to go back to normal. They are in shock and disbelief, that THIS girl ? SHE confronted me ? She never opens her mouth in public.
Sometimes it happens that bullies think it's okay to bully me as I am polite. Politeness is many times taken as cowardice, which is such a shame. But I am polite as I want to be polite, not because I am a meek person. And this is where the bullies get baffled.
If I had the power I would like the world to fair and unbiased. But I don't have it, and I can't change the world, this is what I really need to understand.
So in all of the above cases I don't let go, by trying to find a path in life in which the above situations are avoided. Instead I confront those situations .
One of my friend whom I only meet through chat (we stay in the same city and locality ,still :-) ) had given me a new and fresh point of view of looking at these things. It was really a pleasant surprise. Once when a unjust thing happened I chatted with her furiously about state of things. That I don't behave like that with XYZ people how can they be like this to me? She said ok , you don't behave like this because it's your choice to behave in a particular way. But you cannot assume that it's their way of life too. They have their own brain which has made some another choice for them. So the expectation that everyone will behave similar to what you behave with them is unreal. Cool isn't it ?
In engineering we had a very good principle which I remember even today. Ideal machine produces work equivalent to power consumed no loss at all. And then it says Ideal machine doesn't exist, a real machine always has losses it never produces work equal to power consumed. So analogy to real life is that such an ideal world where there is no injustice doesn't exist, even if we like the ideal. Unjust things are like wastage , losses they are not useful and they degrade quality of life but they do exist.
So I know all the theory behind letting go. But in practice whenever my ideals (however simple they are) are violated I hits me deeply. The prospect of simply tolerating wrong things as they are as you are not in power to change that makes me cringe. if not changing the things I at least like to make them go away from my path such that they are not in capacity to bother me. There are many times when one can't even do that. You can' t just remove a unjust person out of your way by your will. More often than not such people hold positions of power. If someone acquired position or authority through their knowledge , hard work I respect that but I don't have much of a regard for authority just obtained due to a position. But in spite of that you cannot just be reckless and do something when you know you have no defence. So in this situation I just keep quiet. But I haven't let go. These are the times when I hold grudges unknowingly and I just don't get rid of them. This affects me, as everyone else, it produces mental stress. This situation is more common where you can't do much about unfairness.
If I look around people close to me, how do they handle it is like this -
My husband A has great power of ignorance. He can ignore anything and everything if he doesn't like it. Also he can readily accept that there are some things we can't change then ok , ignore them.
But that being said he is extremely rigid if it comes to what he wants to do in his life, nobody can influence him to do what they want. No amount of emotional blackmail, peer pressure any other pressure has ANY effect on him.
My sister P is the one who can really let go. She has a genial, happy and charming nature which can lighten up any situation. She does feel bad , yes but she comes out of it in no time to her usual cheerful self.
She can be good to people who were bad to her at some point in time. She forgets such things and works at the spur of the moment. That explains why she is spontaneous as compared to me. She lives in the present and not the past.
My mother has many similarities with my nature. However with age she has acquired the maturity and wisdom which I am yet to acquire. So she is the pillar of support for me in my moments of distress and it is she who puts some wisdom in to me in all these times. Her wisdom can be attributed to solid foundation of spirituality in her life. I think I need to seek a similar solution.
